Article by Zimrah Qol

Today, I thought about the choices I’ve made and what might have been.

Every day, we make choices, but do we truly realize the significance of those choices? Like, what am I going to wear? What am I going to eat? These are small choices, but what we wear will impact how we are seen, and what we eat will affect our health. But what about big ones, like who am I going to marry? Where am I going to work? Where am I going to live? Will I continue the traditions of my family? Or the big one: will I have a relationship with God, and what will that mean for me and those around me?

All those questions and choices can seem so daunting…

The word of God tells us in Proverbs 3:5, “Lean not on your own understanding.”

It means not to rely solely on your limited knowledge and reasoning when making decisions or navigating life. It encourages us to trust in the wisdom of the Holy Spirit.

You have to choose to be guided and acknowledge that the Holy Spirit’s wisdom is broader and more reliable than your own. That means you have to decide to keep your ego and pride in check. For some of us, that’s a lot to ask, because maybe up until now, that is all we’ve had.

I’ve had to make some significant choices in my life, especially if I wanted to deepen my relationship with the Most High. I’ve had to choose to break the cycle of alcoholism, fornication, and the angry black woman syndrome. All of which was hard because these were part of my indoctrination.

Indoctrination, what a great word. We have all been indoctrinated with some kind of moral compass, right or wrong. But as we get older, we choose whether or not to change for the better, to do better, to think better, and to be better.

Part of my indoctrination was to think negatively, to complain, and always see the worst in others. I also learned to speak without thinking, not to listen due to pride, and to be easily angered, annoyed, and frustrated.

This way of being, even though I had a relationship with Christ, left me embarrassed, always hurting those close to me with my words and attitude… Not representing the Christ I say I believe in and have a relationship with. The impact on those around me who are watching me change and hearing my confession of faith is giving me the side-eye cuz now I am being a hypocrite. I am not being a representative of Christ in me.

The revelation of that is humbling. Honestly, it shook me, because while on this journey, I have slipped back into old ways, which makes me sad because I thought I was ready for the next level. There is an old saying that ” old habits die hard,” which for me means I have to be aware and more intentional, thoughtful, and take a moment before I speak to weigh the cost of my words.

Romans 8:37 tells us, The Most High made us more than conquerors through Christ. I can do this!

I count it a privilege to be corrected by the Holy Spirit, it means that I am loved and still connected to The Most High, through Christ, by the power of the Holy Spirit!

I began this post by discussing choices. I am so grateful that the Most High gives us free will, the ability to choose every day to be better. I am thankful for the opportunity to repent.

I pray this encourages you to keep pushing to be better, to do better, and to know that correction is love!

May the Most High bless and keep you and yours.